I am The Example

BG loves to copy everything right now. When I say everything, I mean everything. I’m not sure if this has come prematurely however it feels like it has. After all, she isn’t 1 year until 16th September and I don’t remember kids copying everything at 1 when I worked in child care but then maybe I just wasn’t looking.

The other day, she was in my bathroom playing with my toiletry bag. She was pulling bottles out, shaking them, banging them on the floor, pulling caps off and just having a wonderful time (don’t worry I was supervising closely and on a side note, I am trying the ‘let her explore it, under close supervision, so she loses interest’ tactic; among others of course). She found my travel hairspray and pulled the cap off just as I looked at my own reflection in the mirror and thought, ‘Geez, I could really do with some hairspray on that Alfalpha piece there’ (remember Alfalpha from that movie as a kid?). So I grabbed the hairspray, sprayed it back down and then handed it back to BG who then proceeded to move the bottle above her own head in circles as if she were also spraying her hair. I’ll admit, it made me chuckle and my heart jump with, ‘Geez she is adorable! I love her so much!’ however this was quickly followed with, ‘Shit… now I have to stop swearing!’ haha!

So for the past few days I have been thinking about how, as her mother, I am her first example of what it is to be a woman… to be female… how to behave (appropriately or inappropriately)… how to keep friends- or enemies… how to… you get the picture.

In my pondering (picture me knitting and pondering… hehe), I have found myself looking at other mothers to girls and looking at what example they are giving them. Some are most likely unaware that they are teaching their daughters to be bitchy, to have low self esteem, to keep more enemies than friends, to hold grudges, to care most about how they look, how they are portrayed, their posessions… the list goes on. The sad thing is, I really don’t think they want this for their daughters but they are just unaware that they are doing it.

Now it’s not all that bad. These people I have observed really are lovely people and like all of us, slip up at times and I don’t think for one second that I will be perfect at it.

It is my goal however to demonstrate to BG that it is ‘unattractive’ to get involved in gossip and bitching (and the compound is rife!). That our value or worth is not in our posessions, number of friends or attention we get, but rather in being a strong, assertive, present (I’m talking mindfulness here), kind and compassionate woman.

I want her to see me deal with difficult people with love, kindness and acceptance for who they are and where they are at in their lives. Nobody deserves to be punished for having a bad day here or there. They just need to be loved through it all. I hope this helps her to deal with future bullying (which if I’m really lucky, she won’t have to deal with it), making and keeping close friends at school and eventually developing into the confident and capable young woman that I know she will be one day.

I also want her to see my vulnerable side and how I deal with it (hopefully in a positive way). I want her to learn to find strength in those times that are difficult and to find joy in every situation. Geez I want a lot don’t I! I could write more but I’m sure it will bore you and I guess you have the idea of what I’m trying to say.

So who do you want to be for your daughter?

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